For immediate release
Today, Galileo Galilei was placed under house arrest for questioning what every scientist and learned individual knows to be true – the Earth is at the centre of the universe and the Sun, stars and all other planets revolve around it.
Galileo, a formerly respected mathematician, physicist and otherwise great thinker, continued to repeat the claims of that debunked astronomer, Copernicus, that the Earth revolves around the Sun – a statement which all real scientists know to be false.
Copernicus used to be a well-respected man with a large following and a great future. His statements insisting that the solar system is heliocentric rather than geocentric could not be allowed to continue because it could cause confusion amongst the masses. Should this be allowed to continue, those who thought Copernicus was on the right track might end up helping to spread his message and scientific fact as we know it to be might be threatened.
The government determined that Copernicus’ ‘evidence’ was simply made-up. His case series of 8 planets was simply too small to be taken seriously and they were not in true order in any case. In addition, it was discovered that he had taken out a patent on a telescope which, should his theory prove correct, could have made him an awful lot of money so he was just a greedy, self-interested clod and nobody should ever have listened to him.
Despite all of the available evidence that Copernicus is nothing more than a fraud, Galileo has continued spouting and repeating his errant nonsense. It was feared that if he were not stopped, citizens might believe him because he is very persuasive and they are not intelligent enough to look at the evidence objectively and make their own decisions.
Therefore, the government today took the unprecedented step of placing Galileo under house arrest and naming him and his theories as deceptive, misleading and dangerous.
Anyone who repeats these ridiculous claims will find themselves in the same situation. The government wants everyone to understand that it takes these sorts of things very seriously. Those who are not qualified to judge the truth of such important issues should shut up and just let the real scientists tell you what to think. It will be much simpler that way and we can all be protected from such dangerous and wrong-minded ideas as those demonstrated by Galileo and the totally discredited fraudster, Copernicus.
In future, all science should be left to those who are qualified to dispense it – the scientists who have studied and published on this issue. They are the only experts and their word shall be considered law when it comes to matters within their areas of expertise. Any non-scientists who opine on these issues will be punished severely for their transgression.